“Ain’t no shame in holding on to grief, as long as you make room for other things, too.”

– Bubbles, “The Wire”

Recently, I auditioned for a project that I was sure I’d book. I hit all the right notes, lifted the right words off the page in the right places, and just did a downright bomb ass job. After I sent the audition in, I began clearing my schedule, waiting on my agent to let me know that I booked the job & the check would be in the mail soon…

…I waited…

…and waited…

…and waited some more, only to find out that I didn’t book the job.

What I then went through can only be described as the Five Stages of Audition Grief. I’m sure many of you have gone through the Five Stages before, and I’m sure they looked something like this:

DENIAL: Wait, what?! No no no, there HAS to be some mistake. I mean, I *nailed* that audition. Oh- I got it- I bet the client is just testing the spot using some second-rate actor and showing it on like, seven televisions nationwide, with mine just happening to be one of them. Surely the client will be giving me a call any minute now to record the *real* spot that will play on ALL the televisions…

ANGER: You’ve got to be f’n kidding me! That *is* the real spot?! Wow, so the client really is as stupid as their stupid product that no one in their right mind would want to buy, so of course they would use that stupid actor over me. I hope the client AND the voice actor both fall and scrape their knees REALLY badly. I HATE YOU ALL!

BARGAINING: Universe, I don’t ask for much, but what if the client wanted to use the selected voice actor for a big campaign, and the actor celebrates by making a big ol’ pot of chitlins. Now Universe, WHAT IF he didn’t cook the chitlins right (he’s stupid, remember?), and the actor gets a case of food poisoning that’s not life threatening or anything, but it’s just bad enough to keep them in bed long enough for me- the client’s next choice- to swoop in and record the spots? I mean, we all get hit with a case of “vomirrheah” now and then, so no big deal…right, Universe?

DEPRESSION: What’s this in my email, a new audition? Ehh, no thanks- I’m done with voice acting- I’m getting out of the game. Now, where was I? Oh, yeah- back to dipping my Hot Cheetos into this 5-gallon bucket of Neapolitan ice cream (but only the strawberry is left to make this a REALLY depressing scene) wearing nothing but a robe & a John Cena “Never Give Up” headband.

ACCEPTANCE: ::Sigh:: Well, on the bright side, I can write a blog post about it…